Sick sucks

Well, if she hadn't left me before, she prolly would have this week anyway. I'm officially sick, and anyone who knows me knows I am a miserable fucking bastard of a man when I am under the weather. Seriously, I could make a nun want to kill me when I am sick. 
Strep throat. My tonsils were so swollen this morning that I could barely breathe. $120 later and I have some anti-biotics and a dash of hope that I will be better soon. Not having health insurance sucks.

The f'ed up part is, apart from my throat, and the whole barely able to breathe/not able to swallow thing, I feel pretty good. Emotionally I'm still sad, but I don't feel helpless or totally miserable. I had a good time at the show, work hasn't been as horrible as it was the last few weeks, and Dennis Farina is on Law & Order now. I might actually take up watching TV again on Wednesday nights. Smallville and then L&O. Hopefully Kristin can look at the apartment on Friday, I'm anxious to know if I'm gonna be moving soon or not.

The question that haunts me, as I'm sure it haunts everyone who is in my shoes, is: Will I ever find the right person? You keep trying different people out, and finding yourself in situations that are either unfamiliar or too familiar. But when is the right situation gonna come along. Timing, needs, attraction, fulfillment. Total package. It's a very big "IF" and I'm not sure that anyone can be totally secure in answering it until it's behind them. Even then, with what is going on in certain friends' lives, how can you ever be sure, or at least secure. Lonliness is a bitch, but nothing compared to betrayal or loss. Since there is no way to ever be completely sure about someone, I have to think the way I've been going about things is the right one. Learn someone, love them if and when it feels right, and risk the big hurt. I'm really no worse off for it, am I?