yeah it hurts

a whole lot

so damn much

bigger than life

fucking unreal

i'm like one of those new garbage bags that stretches out in a billion different directions. but I will break. especially my heart. and I'm fucking sick and fucking tired to the point of suicide of meeting women who decide either right away or, God forbid, down the line that they want me in their life, but only as a f-r-i-e-n-d. i'm going to make business cards that I hand out to females when i meet them. they are going to say James F. Hunt. Maybe I'll put Esquire, if I'm feeling Bill and Ted at the moment, and my address and phone number. And then in 16 point Helvetica: I HAVE ENOUGH FUCKING FRIENDS IN MY LIFE and P.S. - none of them ever hurt me.

this is not her fault, so no one bash. it just wasn't meant to be. and the beginning was great, i LOVE falling in LOVE. it's a thing to be celebrated, not feared. (Guess that's another point of contention, huh sweets) No doubt, no worry, just folly, fun, and good feelings. We all remember it, right? I'm gonna be in and out of my mind for a while. and missing someone that is right around my life's corner. (p.s.- since I'm talking distance here, if you are reading this, you should never have been jealous of Natasha). I'm gonna take for granted that the guys with the history of disappearing after getting pages, guys who tell stories about me going to prison, and guys with chicken holiday histories are all going to forgive me at the end of this. Because they are my friends and they mean to stand by me in all storms, even the stupid little ones I created myself, by getting out there again.

it's been yet another summer, winding down. with a new love and a new loss and a strange way to have someone enter my heart. i'd be very willing to risk it again. love is worth the struggle.