back in the collar

There is no future in any job. The future lies in the man who holds the job. 
- George Crane

Visitation rights

we take advantage of our freedom every day. we're americans. that's just what we do. personally, I can't think of a life where I'm not surrounded by excess, and the belief that I'm entitled to it all.
living like I do isn't really all that vile, except for the times when I fail to appreciate it. the instant that I stop realizing that the only reason I can sleep til noon, play around on the internet all day, watch dvds, go to the pub and play darts til my arm falls off, and talk all the shit in the world is because I was lucky enough to be born in the country that is the model of freedom and prosperity.
and it looks more and more like the two do, in fact, go hand in hand.

that's about as political as I'll let myself get in here 

life is so much easier than we make it out to be

little pieces

once in a while
i take a look around
just to make sure
just to be secure
no one's looking back
i don't think they've caught on

let me pull the trigger
to make him beg
to make me bigger

once in a while
she reads me a story
just to keep me alive
just to prove what i deny
everyone laughs at me
and the little pieces i live on

let me pull the trigger
to give me hope
to make me bigger

once in a while
we hear an old rumor
just to bind us
just to remind us
someone might understand
that's the only reason it goes on

let me squeeze the trigger
aim the barrel
cock the hammer
pull the gun
want to kill
let me want to kill

12.18.97
manic

I wish I was drunk so I could pass out

I wish I was drunk so I could blame my actions on something else

I wish I was drunk so I could say that I don't actually feel like this

why am i able to think enough for the motor skills to function, able to write, to type this, without looking at the screen, or my sore hands? able to realize that I just made a mistake and backspace and correct it, yet unable to find you, and tell you, and take you home with me?

all I know is, there are too many fucking michelles in the world, and not enough katies.






Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fucking fuck with a side of fuck and a fucking fucker fuck fucking fuckity fuck.

manic 

sainthood

I drank all day yesterday, and slept on a love seat until 9 am.
There was no way I was gonna make it all the way through the movie. John Wayne is no hero of mine, but the Quiet Man is a good flick. Anyway, I've seen it many times before.

All the stuff that happened.

Breakfast, Guinness, Work, Guinness, Breakfast. My entire St. Patrick's Day was a palindrome.

All the stuff that didn't happen.

New and unique experiences, a connection, life beyond flirtation, learning that being good equals goodness coming to you.

Everything Else.

sweat and a little fear of the future. some of the time that's why I drink. 

there wasn't a single conversation that turned me on. and I still had a really good time.

sometimes I'm afraid of the present.

logarithm

the danger of updating after a night of drinking is you never know what you will find written the next morning, to wit...

actually, I know I'm not drunk enough for this to be truly dangerous, plus no one who could break my heart reads this fucking thing anyway

that alone is enough to justify an entry.
admission of that level of (not lonely) alone-ness








"yes, but I do it with style and creativity"


two of these things just don't belong

euphoria, which isn't a mountain in upstate washington
I've never ignored anyone who I didn't want to talk to me
stop it, I didn't drink enough yet
and besides, I thought you were the one that I only thought was hot

walls and cars and scars and bars
light the night we might make right
given that you've taken me and taking all forgiving

demonology, which defies logic and defines irony
listen to the king and kneel, after all, that would kill me
bibles are more honest and you would know
tremble, I can lie and say it's cold

two I am at 2 a.m.
the one who knew and lied and died
given that you've taken me and taking all forgiving
drowning in the bottom of the cup that's in your hand

arcane(gel)
manic
3-16-03 a.m.

funny, 2 am

drunk guy fails miserably in first seven attempts to get dog to swallow his medicine