"my life is hype, my love is hype"
ok. i've got the job. it's not a great job by any stretch of the imagination, but it's not bad, and the benefits are great. easy money, healthcare, the hours are cake.
i'm weening myself off the bullshit vampire lifestyle. now I'm not saying that sleeping in and staying up all night isn't fun, but after a while it just drains you. and getting back into the swing of things is turning out to be a serious pain in the ass. but i know things are getting better every day.
contrary to what some people think of me, i am a motivated person. i do have goals and a direction in life, i just don't follow the standard path. sometimes i wish i had been content to play the game the normal way, but deep down i know that way will never be for me. anything that i accomplish in my life will almost definitely be according to MY plan, and after some serious consideration i realize the value of staying true to what i feel inside and not trying to cater to the views of others, no matter how much i want to please them.
if i wind up doing this lowly state job for ever, or if i wind up as a sheriff's officer, or a screenwriter, or i'm bartender forever, it will be my choice. while i believe that we have certain responsibilities in life to other people, to society in general, even to the greater good of the world, i also believe that our first responsibility is to ourselves.
i might never be a great man. in fact, as i gambler i know that the odds are stacked very strongly against it. but i do know that i am a good man, so fuck anyone who thinks i'm not good enough for them.
no one knows what the future holds, or who they hold in the future.
enough of this, i have things to do.
I start a new job on Monday. This makes me happy.
It will also be a bit of a change for me, as the bartender lifestyle begins to fall by the wayside. These days I usually don't get up until 9 or 10, sometimes even 11. I relax all morning, read the paper, have a nice, leisurely breakfast. No hurries, no worries. Kill time during the day at the gym or maybe on the computer or reading a book or playing my guitar. Perhaps out for a bite to eat with one of the guys, or a bike ride or some other adventure with Lauren. Then at night I would either work or go out. A few hours at the pub, or at a show, or any number of other places people go at night when they don't have to get up in the morning. Even if I get home before 2:30 I most likely go online before bed, then I crawl under the blanket around 3:30 or 4 am.
I start a new job on Monday. This makes me realize I won't be sleeping in any longer.
But at least I am going out with a bang. The last week as a Lost Boy (as I was told). But I know I'm gonna stay young until I die. This week has been a nice send off though. Friday night was the show of shows, Anthrax. Kick ass tunes, metal insanity, and all captured for a DVD. With any luck my seizure-like dance routines will be a featured extra on the disc. Saturday I saw The Lords of Dogtown. That was a pretty kick-ass little film there. I can't really say more than what Frank was wise enough to utter: "Finally they made a skateboarding movie that works." Sunday I was almost assassinated by my good buddy Lauren who cunningly used, as her weapons of choice, a long rocky tow path near the canal and my own bicycle. A grueling ride, an out of breath young man, and the fear of imminent cardiac arrest. Quite the fun day, except for almost dying. Monday day was spent recuperating, but then I played my first night in a poker league. It was kind of fun to get back into the game, and I took second place in a field of about 40. Tuesday marked my triumphant return to Great Adventure. I rode (after waiting nearly 4 hours) the "tallest, fastest roller-coaster in the world." It also has one of the worst names: Kinda Kaa. It may be named after one of the stunning white Bengal Tigers that now call the park home, if so, the name is forgiven. The ride, simply put, was incredible. You are shot out at 128 mph towards a 400+ foot hill, then you spin your way back down the other side. It was very intense. I also recommend the Superman ride to anyone who cares to brave the crowds at our nifty local Six Flags Park. Tonight was some more live music fun as Lucero played the Northstar Bar in Filthadelphia. NE Philly is a shithole, but as Joe so wisely observed, all the best bars are in shitty parts of town. The band was great, as they were the last time I saw them, but the kicker was they played Chain Link Fence this time (albeit a faster than normal version) and a fucking amazing rendition of Hate and Jealousy. So I got to hear my two favorite songs from one of my current favorite bands. Tomorrow I don't have any exciting plans, but I am working for a bit so that I'll have some money for Saturday when I head to Atlantic City for the tattoo convention. Then perhaps another suicide run with Lauren on Sunday. An then it's fucking on.
I start a new job on Monday. I wonder what will become of me next week.
1. Total number of books owned?
Approximately 200
2. The last book I bought?,
69 Things To Do With A Dead Princess by Stewart Home &
Another Bullshit Night in Suck City by Nick Flynn
3. The last book I read?
Bodies in Motion and At Rest by Thomas Lynch (halfway done)
4. Five books that mean a lot to me?
The Cat in the Hat's ABCs by Dr. Seuss
A Confederate General from Big Sur by Richard Brautigan
No Thanks by E.E. Cummings (first book to make me like poetry)
Microserfs by Douglas Coupland
Thank You And OK! An American Zen Failure in Japan by David Chadwick
5. Name one book that you really did not like:
A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again by David Foster Wallace
I'm gon' set my soul on fire.
My heart beats low while the flames go higher.
Strike the match and then the truth is told.
I'm gon' set my soul on fire.
The Devil made me a Woman!...
I ain't no liar.
Her eyes burn black like the lake of fire.
She struck the match and then i sold my soul...
For the black haired girl from the lake of fire.
My heart beats low while the flames go higher.
Strike the match and then the truth is told.
I just set my soul on fire
EoDM
I'm not sure which is more unsettling, that the commencement was on Friday the 13th or that she celebrated with an impromptu wet T-shirt contest/water balloon war with her family.
and I was the front line photojournalist. wet-kneed as I was.
uncle gets his revenge.
in either case, Lauren is a college graduate. congrats.
&&&&&&&&&
the Dream Team was on tonight. another one of my precious movies that mention Trenton. with portions actually filmed at Trenton Psych, though they changed the name of the hospital in the movie.
"I'm an escaped mental patient with a history of violence."
not a very good movie, but it did make me start to wonder about something.
what do crazy people think about when they are by themselves?
Been catching up on Entourage in preparation for the next season. Wish I had seen this show when it first started. Not that it matters when I saw it, but I didn't get to catch it from the beginning so I know I've missed a few episodes.
Jeremy Piven is a god.
Oh, yeah. And I'm developing a massive crush on Samaire Armstrong.
thank you, and good night.
you have your choice of any five bands in history. and they are all
performing together. it doesn't matter if they are still around,
living or dead. and genre's don't matter. it's completely your choice.
who are they and it what order are they playing?
i first asked this question to frank and instructed him to make a flyer of said show.
because i am a complete nerd, i did the same.
can you guess which one is mine?
let the games begin.
***********
post script - an hour later and now I want to change that fucker. Peter Gabriel is out and Tom Waits is taking his place.
yes. that was good. i missed those.
***********************
in other news. i am very sore. in my state of despair over making little or no progress at the gym, i have upped my aggro factor. i'm not exactly working out with renewed vigor, but i am pushing myself in slightly different directions.
i need accomplishments. i need to DO something. at the (very impressive) Frantic show last night i was thinking about making music. i had ideas in my head. music, words, i'm like that. i am a sponge around creativity. i don't steal ideas, per se, i just get motivated when i am around the creativity of others. charged like a battery. unfortunately, like an old lithium ion, i do not hold my charge very long.
i wonder how Megatron is doing, playing out again. i am glad for her, she is one of the most talented people i have ever met. wishing her well.
the book i am reading now has me befuddled. i'm pretty sure i've never used that word before, but it seems rather appropriate. the book is called Parasites Like Us, and i am alternately very intrigued by it, or completely disinterested. the median outcome is a rather daunting ambivilence. at this point, i may be reading it just to finish and say i have.
i found a poem the other day that i didn't remember writing. as much as that should maybe set off alarm bells signaling my impending dementia, i rather like it. a pleasant surprise.
speaking of surprises, Borek of all fucking people got a tattoo. how the worm turns.
i gotta be honest. it's awful hard to maintain my PMA with this nonsense.
there is no good reason I didn't get that job.
i guess all i can do is keep my head up and work that much harder.
posi is as posi does.
and I'm so damn slack I don't post shit about it until the following week.
Happy belated birthday to that good friend of ours, Breakin' the Lawlor.
Here's some evidence of the fun that was predicated on yer special day.
A bunch of drunks milling around
The Birthday Girl and her obedient Man-servant and partner in water sports.
Is it Matt, is it Moby? You make the call!
The Orfn of Death Metal
As I am being a good little Carrie Nation boy until the 4th of Ju-la, I was able to partake in the festivities AND remember them. No small feat. It was one of those great nights when there was a bunch of people mucking about, talking, laughing, drinking, singing, and reveling in general good spirits. A hardy kudos to Michelle for having a birthday worth celebrating.
After that, the weekend just kept going. Saturday I worked, Sunday I played an abysmal round of golf at Miry Run. Still had a good time though, just proving that old maxim that golf, like sex, is one of those wonderful activities that you don't have to be very good at to enjoy. Unfortunately I was compelled by golf, stink, food, and Fatter's company to miss a friend's friend's bar-b-que. Hopefully it wasn't a crucial bar-b-q. Thanks anyway to the ladies for the invite. But Deadwood was great again.
Yesterday I played Pitch and Putt with Frank not once but twice. We hit up the Mo'ville Golf Farm and I whooped his ass, as per my usual. Then, after his tattoo appointment went down the drain we scouted out a place in Wall Township called Quail Ridge. The grounds were nice, but the greens were like the backs of whales sticking out of the ground. Seriously steep shite. Frank hit an absolutely spectacular shot that was two inches away from a hole-in-one and his tap in birdie gave him the stroke he needed to beat me.
I don't really work, so I don't really have a "weekend" unless you want to say my weekend runs from Sunday to Friday, since I only tend bar Saturday nights unless I pick up extra shifts. That gives me a whole lot of free time. Anyone got ideas for what I can do with myself, keeping in mind that I don't have much money. And replying "get a job" is useless, so in the words of Vincent, "Don't waste my motherfuckin' time!"
