perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself...

"my life is hype, my love is hype"

ok. i've got the job. it's not a great job by any stretch of the imagination, but it's not bad, and the benefits are great. easy money, healthcare, the hours are cake.

i'm weening myself off the bullshit vampire lifestyle. now I'm not saying that sleeping in and staying up all night isn't fun, but after a while it just drains you. and getting back into the swing of things is turning out to be a serious pain in the ass. but i know things are getting better every day.

contrary to what some people think of me, i am a motivated person. i do have goals and a direction in life, i just don't follow the standard path. sometimes i wish i had been content to play the game the normal way, but deep down i know that way will never be for me. anything that i accomplish in my life will almost definitely be according to MY plan, and after some serious consideration i realize the value of staying true to what i feel inside and not trying to cater to the views of others, no matter how much i want to please them.

if i wind up doing this lowly state job for ever, or if i wind up as a sheriff's officer, or a screenwriter, or i'm bartender forever, it will be my choice. while i believe that we have certain responsibilities in life to other people, to society in general, even to the greater good of the world, i also believe that our first responsibility is to ourselves.

i might never be a great man. in fact, as i gambler i know that the odds are stacked very strongly against it. but i do know that i am a good man, so fuck anyone who thinks i'm not good enough for them.
no one knows what the future holds, or who they hold in the future.

enough of this, i have things to do.