digital ink

so i'm working on some new things. and revisiting some old things. words. images. sounds.

i've decided that i am not at all happy with my body. even though I have made some strides lately towards a new level of fitness, it's painfully obvious that i have not achieved any of the goals i outlined for myself last year. with the possibility of it affecting what could turn out to be a good career, i must redouble my efforts in this area. plus i just don't like how i look or feel. if i felt better then i am sure i could at least come to terms with how i look, but right now i'm just disgusted with myself.

with the exception of the new piece, which i am very, very happy with. time to start working with that chance now.

i'm writing a bit more. working on the story for mine and frank's movie. right now just the outline, after that the screenplay should write itself. it's exciting to think of how we will conquer each problem that will arise. it feels good to be creating again.

i wonder sometimes if i should be happy with what i have, and try and build on it (i.e. - work on my writing because that seems like something i am more pre-disposed to do) or work a ton harder on something that i love more than anything yet seemingly have no aptitude for (music). does acceptance always mean complacency? is it just giving up or is it accepting reality? and finally, is it my fantasies that keep my heart young, or is my youthful nature just going to be my last fantasy to die?