seventy-six trombones later
in full digital sound, with 1320 lines of resolution
now on parade
I watched an entire day walk right on by
it's quarter past another hour
I've shaped and shifted each minute
tailor made to suit me
changed every thing that is in my power
except everything that can be changed
honestly, I'm just tired of possibility
I'm ready to make peace with the ugliness of tedium
I need someplace to go be tedius
there are times when I think that there is no truly good experience. or truly bad for that matter. when I want to believe that everything is futile.
it's an easy excuse, sort of a lazy man's nihilism.
or darwinistic buddhism. wouldn't that be funny.
but whether I'm thinning the herd of enlightened souls or craving victory through the attrition of my desires, I don't really think the list is up to snuff.
math was never my strong suit to begin with. aftermath is even worse. I could be waiting for the other shoe to drop. or practicing my disbelief on others. maybe I'll sabotage my good fortune in some twisted self-fulfilling prophecy style.
on the flipside, we learn from our mistakes. hardship builds character. and whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
but like I said, that's only when I want to believe that things aren't really all that terrible for me, or that they weren't going so well that I didn't just completely fuck myself by screwing them up.
in other words, days that end in "y"
they call me manic
feeling bad isn't all about being evil or sick or mean
sometimes it isn't even about being wrong
but if I feel bad. that is, if I feel that I haven't done something right, I keep doing things that aren't right over and over. repeating the same mistakes, as it were.
if I feel bad, and that is a genuine enough a feeling, then maybe I can twist it.? sort of turn it around and use it to make a change. that's a good thing, right? fuel for the soul.
m o t i v a t i o n
otherwise, it's just self-pity. or remorse. or worse, regret.
and what fucking good did those three ever do for anyone?