What is it about parents that holds so much sway over us, even as adults? I've been my own person (emotionally) since I was old enough to even form an opinion, but I will always measure myself by the yardstick of my father. He is the only person that can get into my head and shake me. It's telling of how much I love him, I guess, but it's still something that drives me to over-react and lose control.
Sometimes I regret how I've lived because of how I feel I've disappointed him. He shows me nothing but love and greets all my problems with a smile and a helping hand, but I carry this stuff with me anyway. I guess I use him so that every time I'm pissed off I can imagine it's him who I've let down, and not myself.
What's more twisted, that I'm such a self-loather or that I have managed to victimize my parents for loving me? When that other shoe drops, I'm gonna have quite a few years of real trouble, and then I guess we'll see what I'm made of.
manic to a fault
Chris Yvon
7 years ago
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