The unyielding irrelevance of most things...

Every night like this, every night I'm supposed to be out looking for a wife that I spend inside, I feel like a little bit of me has become more isolated. It feels permanent. The parts I lose aren't ever coming back.

I talked to a married friend, and he asked me what I was doing home on a Saturday night. The honest answer was too sad to discuss, so I just told him I was doing nothing. I had a good day despite sleeping too late and not accomplishing anything of substance, and I wasn't about to get all touchy about not having a date. But it's true that I've been doing nothing. Except becoming a cliche. And proving all my detractors right. 

I learned a few new songs on the guitar that I wield like a cap gun at a bank robbery. I only ate one real meal, and that consisted almost entirely of the parts of a pig that even starving, feral animals are wise enough to ignore. Then I washed it back with the new water. Let me just call it Coke and cease to be surprised by my consistent tooth decay (I like that people with bad teeth don't speak in euphemistic terms, there is no tooth decline or tooth impoverishment). I spent time the way Bill Gates spends twenties. But it was all at this desk, looking into this screen. Just like the one you're sitting at, I bet.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining about my own choices. I just have to put things in proper perspective considering that I have a job to resign from, car insurance to ascertain, a new job to fill, a business to attempt resurrection of, debt the size of a before ad, and the social skills of a rodent suddenly awakened from his sleep in the bottom of a tea-kettle by the wrinkled, gnarled hand of a thirty-year alcoholic.

I want to be clever, and romantic, and inspirational, but I also want to be mildly successful. There is no new thing, no starting point. Not this time. It's all the same old songs, just played by a slightly older, and more road-weary band. And the worst part is, they're all cover songs.

manic enough to know better