Some Things I Know

Some Things I Know

(but there are far more things I do not know)

I know a bit about time

I first learned it, as we all do, in that moment

when the blurry, unexpected image that we cannot yet

define as "mother," but instinctively associate

with safety and love, leaves our useless infant vision

and then returns

I know things happen in their own time

but I do not know how to reconcile the fact that with

a smart phone and browser I can instantly peruse the entirety of

mankind's learning and experience up until right now,

yet it took me months to understand or accept that I am

still in love with you

I know that matters very little, but I do not know

why time is not on my side

Despite what I know about time, I do not know how 

a clock or a watch functions; that is, if they did not exist 

already, I would not know how to invent them

I would never know the patience it takes to place each small

movement in alignment with another so perfectly

that our time could be kept like a gift

I can look at a clock's face and immediately know a great many things,

though I can look at your face for days and never know 

what you are thinking, or what your impression of me is,

or if your wistful look has anything at all to do with us

I know that I am not what you want, even if, by some

miracle, I became what you need

I do not know what I could do to become either of those things

So I don't know that I could ever explain duality, though a possibility

exists that I am part of one

In sixth grade I was given instruction in orienteering,

but I do not know the purpose of a compass in a world

where asphalt trails outnumber dirt trails, or where 31 computers

hovering in space can tell me, to within 20 feet, how close

I am to you at any given moment

I don't know how close I should be

and I don't know how to get closer

I know that for many years we did not see each other at all,

and you were often far away

I know this was a good thing for us, though I don't know why I believe that

I know that the world keeps turning, 

but I do not know if this is why I keep coming back to you

I know that you don't like to be touched,

at least, not in the way that I enjoy touching

I do not know if there is a way to overcome that

I don't know if you could ever give me a more sensual greeting

than you did three nights ago without even trying

I know that I want to spend most of my time with you,

but I don't know how you would take hearing that

I also don't yet know how to be near you without being awkward or

without letting the past weigh on every second of now

Sometimes I lose my breath 

I know it is because of how nervous I still am around you

I did not know until 

recently that I could breathe clumsily

I don't know how long I can keep this secret that

seemingly everyone knows

I don't know how I am going to go on when the dream ends

I know there is no such thing as perfection, but I don't know how

much longer I can believe that with you in my life

As I said, I know it doesn't really matter anyway,

but I don't know how to wake up anymore

and go through my days

and do all the things I know I must

unless I am allowed to, I don't know, love you

10.25.11