a thousand telephones that don't ring

a suicidal fruitfly flew directly through a stream of my urine as i was relieving myself this evening.

what does it mean that this information qualified as journal-worthy?

i was a liar before. when i was younger.

i said all i wanted was someone to love. then i treated her like crap.

i don't know what i am now.

i don't say much about it anymore. but i think somewhere i'm still lying. 

...that'll be me someday
with stolen wings and evil ways
straight south with the keys to the pearly gates

anyone care to join me?

for the record...

wawa rules, and 7-11 makes the absolute worst breakfast sandwiches on the face of the earth. i've had roach-coach meals that were better than this. ilk.

nasty.

i have to stop eating this shite now.

fuck seven-eleven.

I AM ALL THAT IS MAN!

able to swat pesky computer viruses in, well, if not in a single bound then in just under an hour. and if i ever get my hands on the fucker who wrote AGENT.H, I will personally, from one computer geek to another, stomp the living shit out of his annoying ass.

detritus

the detroit army is winning the war
and you know how they get after a victory
it's gonna take weeks for the streets to recover
so we should find a good game and snacks to bide our time
if you wanna come over, i mean, to wait it out
with you on my bed and i'll take the couch
i wasn't implying anything dirty
or expecting that you would give me anything of yours
just hoping for the pleasure of your unique company
while watching the fall of our arrogant acropolis on CNN

unless you have something else planned
i would love to share the warmth of the first pure sunrise
something about the dawning of a new era
has made me realize that i want a little more out of life
and if i seem particularly fearless or attentive
it's only because i see what i want now, and you're it
and since this war isn't gonna be the last one
i'd rather watch you sleep and think about life 

death, peace, and eternal love

minutes:

it's VF hot today, and it's only May

i got tattooed, yay for me, sob for my sore ass arm

i'm working at the pub tonight, come on by

i think it's about time i started a new direction, a little more proactive. 

bleedin at the gates and i can't come in ~ courage that abates a life of sin ~ sure that it holds and it holds no other ~ with the lies of the brave the kid don't matter 

it makes perfect sense. all my life my grasp has overshot my actual reach.

temper mental

let's make a case for the bitter dispute
think of shaking fists and high blood pressure
when you walk out of the room disgusted with
yourself or the person with whom you shared it

eye rolling, sarcasm drenched dispute
fighting like children when the facts run out
and all that's left is attacks on the enemy's person
picking at flaws like scabbed-over wounds

man to man hand to hand dispute
but not like the old days when the hand was empty
the fights that never end until everyone is dead
from inner city streets to old west towns

quickly escalating mob mentality dispute
when they think you are wrong and there is strength
in the numbers of knives they throw at your character
or intelligence or experience or reason

large scale faceless victim dispute
or the euphemistically named "police action"
at odds with the people, the country, the world
expecting them to lie down when the bombs stop falling

apply a higher standard to your next dispute
so that like all good battles, if it can't be over
something worth fighting for at least it can be over
with something less than feelings or people hurt

May 2, 2004
Manic