It's 5 am. I am in a lobby at the Holiday Inn in Runnemede, NJ. Shortly I will be going back to the Federal Building in Philly for a physical exam to compliment the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery test that I took yesterday. Still not sure I can go through with this. This morning, as I woke up, I experienced what I believe was a moment of absolute lucidity. I saw myself not being able to deal with military life any better than it could deal with me.

Today I joined the army.
I have no words.
Life will begin or end soon.

I spent a good deal of today barefoot. The weather was perfect for a bar-bar-bar-bar-ba-bar-bar barbecue! Not bad. The new job at impact images is okay. I still would rather be on computers. I have to get ready to say goodbye again. Katie is leaving for California soon.

I start a new job tomorrow. Things shall get done. Bills shall be paid. Strides shall be taken. My life will change. HA HA.
For kicks I'm reading the bible again.
Hey, guess what!
I'm not gonna...
win a million dollars
be a rock star
sell a screenplay
I'm not...
E.E. Cummings
Quentin Tarantino
Henry Rollins
I am not a thing.
I am no thing.
I am nothing.
Nothing else, nothing less, nothing more.
Nothing worth mentioning.
Nothing to worry about.
Nothing worth writing down,
but I do it anyway.

Composition, then decay

Show me your belly
The weakest part
So I can punch through
the skin and use your heart
as my inkwell
So I can use my pen to
burn my brand right onto your bones
I will own you until you die
then I will forget you

I don't hate any one.
I hate everyone.
The whole wide world.
I hate the world so much it owns me.
I am a slave.
The world got me at auction.
As I hate it, it smiles.
Meanwhile, I seethe.
I sweat like a marathon runner.
So just remember, I'm lying when I smile.

I talk about it all the time. I can't get the desire out of me. Of course, I don't do a fucking thing about it. I want to make music so much sometimes it hurts. I love the feeling and the energy.

It seems like I only write in this thing when I think I've made some grand decision or I just plain make myself. Two distinct states of mind.

Can you guess which one I'm in now?

I saw Star Wars today.