I start a new job tomorrow. Things shall get done. Bills shall be paid. Strides shall be taken. My life will change. HA HA.
For kicks I'm reading the bible again.
Hey, guess what!
I'm not gonna...
win a million dollars
be a rock star
sell a screenplay
I'm not...
E.E. Cummings
Quentin Tarantino
Henry Rollins
I am not a thing.
I am no thing.
I am nothing.
Nothing else, nothing less, nothing more.
Nothing worth mentioning.
Nothing to worry about.
Nothing worth writing down,
but I do it anyway.

Composition, then decay

Show me your belly
The weakest part
So I can punch through
the skin and use your heart
as my inkwell
So I can use my pen to
burn my brand right onto your bones
I will own you until you die
then I will forget you

I don't hate any one.
I hate everyone.
The whole wide world.
I hate the world so much it owns me.
I am a slave.
The world got me at auction.
As I hate it, it smiles.
Meanwhile, I seethe.
I sweat like a marathon runner.
So just remember, I'm lying when I smile.

I talk about it all the time. I can't get the desire out of me. Of course, I don't do a fucking thing about it. I want to make music so much sometimes it hurts. I love the feeling and the energy.

It seems like I only write in this thing when I think I've made some grand decision or I just plain make myself. Two distinct states of mind.

Can you guess which one I'm in now?

I saw Star Wars today.

Her embrace was a church where the burning incense smelled like memories of childhood summers.

* * * * *

My time is not occupied.
Not looking for a job.
Not looking for a girl.
Not looking for a life.
I am looking for hope.

The problem is, I believe happiness is the path, not the destination. So according to my own beliefs, I am not moving. I am dead right now. It kinda takes the pressure off.

I want it all to be profound.
I want all these words to be either earth shattering or life affirming.
But that will never happen because that is not who I am. I'm far too normal.
Too less-than. Too average.
Anonymous. Anti-special.
I keep waiting around for something to happen.
Watching so hard that I miss it when it does. I'm like a ghost, except that
a ghost at least used to be somebody.

I am counting the ways
Waiting for the right number
Looking for the straw that is gonna break my back
I hate you for making me weak
I hate you for being so strong
I hate you for holding up that mirror and turning on the lights
I hate you for being there
I hate you for leaving
You turned my life inside out
And all you did was pass through it