Her embrace was a church where the burning incense smelled like memories of childhood summers.

* * * * *

My time is not occupied.
Not looking for a job.
Not looking for a girl.
Not looking for a life.
I am looking for hope.

The problem is, I believe happiness is the path, not the destination. So according to my own beliefs, I am not moving. I am dead right now. It kinda takes the pressure off.

I want it all to be profound.
I want all these words to be either earth shattering or life affirming.
But that will never happen because that is not who I am. I'm far too normal.
Too less-than. Too average.
Anonymous. Anti-special.
I keep waiting around for something to happen.
Watching so hard that I miss it when it does. I'm like a ghost, except that
a ghost at least used to be somebody.

I am counting the ways
Waiting for the right number
Looking for the straw that is gonna break my back
I hate you for making me weak
I hate you for being so strong
I hate you for holding up that mirror and turning on the lights
I hate you for being there
I hate you for leaving
You turned my life inside out
And all you did was pass through it

Frank's first rule of perception:

"Everything that you believe you see is tempered by your emotions."

i.e. if you already have feelings for someone the most insignificant action can be seen as the clearest sign

Tonight I saw The Toasters, Springheel Jack, and some other ska bands. Pretty fun night. After a mostly wasted day. I did notice how vain I am today. How I try to portray myself as athletic or "in shape" when that couldn't be further from the truth.

Tonight was the first time I've hung out with Michelle in a looooooong time. Years. It was, blessedly, uneventful. We are both different people from when we knew each other well. It was still great to see her. Tomorrow is the invasion of the relatives for Jessie's graduation party.