there is one serious thunderstorm going on outside.
simplification is a process that I always relied on, but I kind of had it wrong. I was the same way with discipline. I try to instill discipline when I should just use restraint.
I am a passionate person. I let my emotions affect my judgment. Hell, I count on my emotions as part of the decision making process. Emotions, instinct, judgment, thought, rationalization.
I am often impulsive. I don't really think some things through, I just say or do them. But I always accept responsibility for what I have done. I never set out to hurt anyone. Sometimes people do get hurt. Usually me.
Woe is me! Boo hoo. Yeah, I know. The world hates a cry baby.
Anyway, back to simplification. Like the ascetics of old, I sometimes seek to simplify my life, and offer myself a structure that I believe will lead to discipline, which will curtail my impulses and lead me to a more stable life. Less spending, better diet, more exercise, less TV, less computer, no gambling, no drinking. All the things that I know I over-indulge in from time to time. I am a sensualist, what can I say? But I always over-do it. I go to extremes even in my simplification process. Instead of just drinking less, I quit entirely. Instead of a better over all diet, I pledge to do unrealistic things. Instead of a nice, slow process of fitness I go to the gym like a madman until I hurt myself or get burnt out. Instead of stepping back from situations and letting things cool down, I excise people completely from my life.
This has been something of a modus operandi of mine.
What do you call all of this irrational behavior, to what do I attribute it?
Irish temper? Aries nature? Manic depression? Hot blooded? Childish? Weak? Lazy? Temperamental? Insane?
Within the last year I started opening myself up to the possibility of sharing my life with someone again. I figured that I was finally at a point where I was getting all my own shit together, ready to be with someone. Make a future. Perhaps I was wrong. Maybe I still have a few things to work out.
or maybe I'm not the one who is fucked up at all. I'm just me. Living my life the only way I can. We all have problems, mine are small compared to a lot of people. My choices have led me here, and I don't regret most of them. I imagine that everyone has an odd regret or two. On the big things, like the kind of person I choose to be, well I have no regrets there. Even if I do still have some things to figure out.
there is one serious thunderstorm going on inside.
I don't pay enough attention to political news, mainly because every time I do I get depressed over the state of affairs in this country, which I do love. My new job affords me a bit of time each day to catch up on current events, and this has done very little to stifle my cynicism. But I did find this nugget today to keep me afloat.
The link is to a CNN.com article about the U.N. Appointment.
...Bush - who has the lowest approval rating of a second-term president since Nixon during the Watergate scandal...
of course I am disenfranchised with my government, and it pisses me off to no end. we're not supposed to feel helpless at home, we're not supposed to fear our own rulers.
I know I have a voice
I know it's seldom heard
I know I have a choice
I know it's just a word
I know I have a bill of rights
I know it's 'cause I'm here
I know I have a chance to fight
I know there's much to fear
I know I have a say
I know my land is great
I know I have to find a way
I hope it's not too late
Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.
It can only be one word.
No more.
Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.
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apparently the head of the FTC had her credit card data stolen. I finally found a good example of irony on CNN.com that didn't make me cry.
some of the hostages from the American Embassy in Iran thing back in the 70's have noticed that the guy who was just elected President of that nation was one of their captors. it's still up for discussion as to whether these people really recognize the guy or not, but I kinda side with the traumatized when it comes to memory. I know that while good times pop up once in a while in my skull, the bad shit that happened to me is right there, ripe for the picking. it's also interesting to note that while Bush calls terrorists cowards, and Bill Maher was practically crucified for saying otherwise, at least the guys running the countries who want to fuck us up aren't afraid to get in there and do some of the work themselves, not watching from the Luxury Skyboxes like our so-called Commander-in-Chief.
and finally, Justice Sandra Day O'Connor has tendered her resignation from the US Supreme Court. To quote one of those bands the crazy kids listen to these days: "It's the end of the world as we know it..."
The lunatic soldier of christ in the white house will now get to begin his appointment of evil minions to the already slightly loopy bench (anyone see that ruling on eminent domain?).
At least Sandy went out swinging, writing an inspiring dissenting opinion on the aforementioned decision regarding the little-respected property rights of individuals. You're either with Corporate America or you're against them (and probably not so well off).
