if you are, we are, i am
cruel in your casual nature
scalding with careless indifference
i'm targeted, then
i was a cautionary tale, now
there is evidence of a bigger picture
shaped with events i have not witnessed
colored with crayons i have never sharpened
and the banking sides of the day rise
up to meet my vision
rounding out the staggeringly obvious tunnel
i am on the other side
i am in the center of my universal mind
it's all about me
hopeless in my casual nature
scalded by careless indifference
running when ever there is no road
flying where ever there is no air
and always giving when there is no one to receive
with all the evidence of a bigger picture
can i ever be anything other than the photographer?
-manic 1/29/05
so i'm working on some new things. and revisiting some old things. words. images. sounds.
i've decided that i am not at all happy with my body. even though I have made some strides lately towards a new level of fitness, it's painfully obvious that i have not achieved any of the goals i outlined for myself last year. with the possibility of it affecting what could turn out to be a good career, i must redouble my efforts in this area. plus i just don't like how i look or feel. if i felt better then i am sure i could at least come to terms with how i look, but right now i'm just disgusted with myself.
with the exception of the new piece, which i am very, very happy with. time to start working with that chance now.
i'm writing a bit more. working on the story for mine and frank's movie. right now just the outline, after that the screenplay should write itself. it's exciting to think of how we will conquer each problem that will arise. it feels good to be creating again.
i wonder sometimes if i should be happy with what i have, and try and build on it (i.e. - work on my writing because that seems like something i am more pre-disposed to do) or work a ton harder on something that i love more than anything yet seemingly have no aptitude for (music). does acceptance always mean complacency? is it just giving up or is it accepting reality? and finally, is it my fantasies that keep my heart young, or is my youthful nature just going to be my last fantasy to die?
not different from everything else, just different from what i am.
pre-conceived notions, and all that jazz.
we get, for instance, mental pictures of a voice.
hopes for the kind of person that lurks behind that livejournal.
what their bodies are like.
what their faces are like.
anyone care what their souls are like?
i do once i get to know them.
i am completely ready to devour.
where is my plate, my fork, the sunlight through the window, glass of apple/orange/pineapple juice, morning paper. i am ready to devour life. show me your soul for once.
because i am something different from what you think
and i am capable of more love than you've ever known
Post Script - Apparently I am also quite valuable.
I am worth $2,241,310.00 on HumanForSale.com
Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction. Saddam Hussein had no terrorist links or involvement in the September 11 terror attack. US casualties (dead and wounded) now stand at 10 percent of the US invasion force. A few thousand lightly armed insurgents have tied down eight US divisions. Iraq's infrastructure lies in ruins. Fallujah, once a city of 300,000, has been destroyed. The US has lost control of the roads, and most of the US fighting force is confined to protecting supply lines and its own bases. The US military is cracking under the strain of prolonged service in the field. The cost of the war mounts, putting more pressure on a collapsing US dollar. The US occupation has recruited thousands of new terrorists for Osama bin Laden and provided a training ground. Torture and torture memos have destroyed America's moral reputation. Civil war looms as neither Sunnis, Shiites, nor Kurds are willing to support a government they do not control. Anti-American feelings throughout the Middle East threaten to undermine the secular puppets that the US keeps afloat in Pakistan, Egypt and Jordan. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
"Think of the depressing contrast between the radiant intelligence of a healthy child and the feeble intellectual powers of the average adult. Can we be quite certain that it is not precisely religious education which bears a large share of the blame for this relative atrophy?" -- Freud
